Let me make it clear, I’m not penning down this social issue due to the recent devastating child rapes all over or as its the current tragedy in India or to blame the government for their least bothered convictions. Of course, you may raise your voice and question the government or protest for the justice to be done. Blaming government doesn’t yield you much! Does it? because it is not only the judiciary system’s part to ruthlessly punish the accused but also the responsibility of each and every individual(parent/brother/sister or a common man) to educate, speak, discuss, enquire, help and caution the kids regarding the sexual assault or any abuse.
Irrespective of the external influences, it’s always the roots and the upbringing which keeps you grounded and that inbuilt personality of yours which differentiates good from bad. Don’t you think so? Then why don’t our parents or parents to be, get it! Okay, we will start off with an example. How many of you parents have discussed what is sex with your kids? Or girls have you ever spoke about your menstrual cramps with your brother? Okay, boys have you ever alerted your younger siblings regarding the sexual assault, eve-teasing or how to protect themselves from something evil? Final question, do you discuss sex education at all with your kids?(which is also one of the reasons for children’s anxiety or their urge to know by some other means! Watching Porn to learn about Sex? Ridiculous us!) If your answer is a big NO, then do not blame others or the judiciary! It’s your freaking job to educate, alert them! You might say then what are teachers for? yes, they talk about sex education but it’s you who should discuss with your child what is a good touch and a bad touch. From where do you think rapists, serial killers, psycho’s or criminals evolve? (when nirbhaya case rapists were interviewed by NDTV they have confessed that they have raped the girl because she was characterless. when a reporter asked them what made them think so, they replied that girls from their family do not leave home after 7 pm, If any girl is out late-night then she is a slut!) What the hell? seriously? Isn’t this the heights of hypocrisy? They are not born rapists or abusers it’s the ideology or perspective which matters!
Soch badlega tho sabh kuch badlega!
Nothing but, we need transparency between parents and the kids. That will always be an initial step in an upbringing of a pure, compassionate, open-minded kid! I will reveal some mind-boggling facts why it has to be only you, who must discuss with the kid. As per the data from dark to lightness organisation, every year 4 lakh kids are being sexually assaulted.
- 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse.
- 93% are abused by someone they know or trust.
- 63% are like teachers, neighbours or community people.
- 37% are abused by extended family or family members.
- Only 7% are strangers to the child.
And only 27% of children reveal such incidents. (Not everyone reveals and it’s funny that people have the guts to report their assaults only when they are adults! That’s the reason why #metoo campaign was so much in the news and cases have been in the limelight irrespective of gender, age, region and religion.)
50% of sexually abused children suffer trauma to negatively impact their adult lives. They are 3 times more likely to get addicted to drugs and alcohol and 2times more likely to drop out of school! This is the reason why you have to educate and discuss with your child more like a friend because they never reveal until you enquire or they are at ease with you. And the abusers or assaulters are mostly not some unknown so you have to caution your child about the people around you all the time.
Instead of regretting later what can we do right now? We need to help kids recognize unsafe people and situations and give them the knowledge and skills to keep themselves safe. To Do list :
- Please educate your kids openly about their bodies and sexualities. Do you want your kid to learn about their sexuality from some other unreliable sources? Nope right? So for god sake, please talk to them truthfully! So, discuss periods, sex, pregnancy, homosexuality with them there is nothing wrong with it. (Okay now don’t mumble that our parents never spoke to us or we are sanskaari Indian people and not used to all this talking! Please keep your opinions to yourself because you are living in the second highest populated country and everyone is highly sexual only when lights are turned off but aren’t comfortable speaking about it? fact isn’t it!)
- Make them differentiate a good touch and a bad one. Help your child understand who is safe and who isn’t. Make sure your children know that it’s okay to say no to an adult and to run away from adults when their instincts tell them something is wrong. Educate them why it is a bad touch when someone gropes their private parts and make them realise that consent always matters.
- Teach them Body safety techniques. How they should defend themselves when they are in such situation(like not to fear or they have to say no or to shout aloud to make them noticed and tell about this to someone who is trustworthy or stay alert in dark places n ask them to carry a pepper spray, make them strong physically so that they could defend themselves for some extent).
- Teach your children to recognize their emotions and trust their instincts. Teaching them problem-solving skills will help them realise and react spontaneously. You can do this by approaching daily challenges, thinking through problems, brainstorming solutions, and encouraging your children to try them out. This makes them an open-minded and a creative person.
- Nevertheless, Do not forget to embed that compassion, empathy and goodwill in them.
So never blame the society alone, because you are also in it and change always starts from within 🙂 Happy living!
References:
you may refer to this funny series between a father and son and how he educates his son about sex if you are busy then skip to last 10 mins of the videos.
And finally, this video from unerased poetry will definitely make you think!