Category: awareness

Do u think Dark is Ugly?

Though we quote that beauty lies within, we still live in a country where colourism is a major attribute & being fair skinned is considered to be more attractive & beautiful! Point to be noted: I’m not protesting against being fair, my only concern is our generation has to be encouraged to be comfortable in their own skin and not hate it.

Source: change.org/Darkisbeautiful

Had your mother scolded you for wearing short clothes and playing in summer? Did she ever taunt you for getting tanned and made you follow all those remedies to reduce melanin or become fair skinned? Or Did anyone bully you ‘kaali’ or ‘kaala’ which made you insecure and assume that only being fair is beautiful? Or were you fed up with the requirement in a matrimonial site? (Quoting, ‘looking for a Fair bride or groom.’) Indians are quite used to these barbs n I’m also a victim of one of these, Raise your hands if have also faced such comments! (You may join the campaign DARKISBEAUTIFUL and raise your voice. Please share/comment on this article with #Embraceyourcolour )

I had no idea why we Indians are so obsessed with lighter skin, while people from other countries would get themselves tanned in centres! As per people(of a specific region) and their norms beauty is not defined the same around the world. But don’t you think these norms are degrading the actual meaning of beauty? What’s wrong with dusky tone? Who taught you to hate your dark skin? It’s our biased nature which misguides that Only fair is beautiful. However, I personally would say that us Indians have undeniable genetic beauty traits that are hard to find in other races. It’s a fact though:)

According to a recent survey among people,82% believe that fair skin tone is majority definition of beauty! Remaining 15% has the desire to create lasting impression through looks (that’s the reason why Indian market is flooded with fairness creams! We too are desperate to lighten our skin so that we can grab maximum attention! Don’t you think so?) All this might have been rooted in our brains from the day British invaded India and slowly they made us believe what they themselves believed in. They established their superiority and hence, the fact in our mind that fair skin is superior and dark skin is not. Also in our daily life, we ignore the fact that whatever skin care regimen we follow should prioritize a better healthy and glowy skin than a need to lighten skin. (Beware of skin lightening creams as they contain high amounts of mercury which results in skin cancer!) Not only this but also the advertising of fairness creams degrades the person with darker skin by portraying them as a low self-esteemed, unhappy person and depicts that one could be confident and achieve anything after they have transformed to a fairer person! What the hell! Isn’t this the heights of intolerance?

I don’t get it how people enjoy bantering on skin colour or personality! Really? As far as I know, Our ancestors laid a foundation on this! (like “why are you so dark?”,”who will marry you if you are like this?”, “follow remedies to lighten skin so that you will look beautiful”, “look! She is so beautiful! Her light skin makes her attractive!”) Our banters regarding skin colour or body shape also are one of the reasons for creating such impression in our minds (It would be great if we put an end to body-shaming or criticising others first and always stop your kids/people u know from doing so.Do sensitise your kids from discriminating others.)

Though racism exists, I’m glad that our ideology is altering and we are defying colourism and many people are taking initiative on beauty beyond colour. Recently, I’ve seen an Ad promoting their skin care product irrespective of skin colour and they encouraged healthy skin instead of lightened skin). And also stars like Kangana Ranout has rejected endorsements on fairness cream and set an example for everyone that colour doesn’t define Beauty!

There is nothing wrong with any skin colour! It’s all in our biased nature!

If anyone poked u for being dark, then question them that very moment,” what’s wrong with being black?” That’s the self-conceit one require and have to be comfortable in one’s own skin.

What all we need is a Happy soul, Healthy skin and a Beautiful mind 🙂 Stay Happy and Be_ YOU_tiful 🙂

June 17, 2018
Child Sexual Abuse: Whose fault is it?
Let me make it clear, I’m not penning down this social issue due to the recent devastating child rapes all over or as its the current tragedy in India or to blame the government for their least bothered convictions. Of course, you may raise your voice and question the government or protest for the justice to be done. Blaming government doesn’t yield you much! Does it? because it is not only the judiciary system’s part to ruthlessly punish the accused but also the responsibility of each and every individual(parent/brother/sister or a common man) to educate, speak, discuss, enquire, help and caution the kids regarding the sexual assault or any abuse.

Irrespective of the external influences, it’s always the roots and the upbringing which keeps you grounded and that inbuilt personality of yours which differentiates good from bad. Don’t you think so? Then why don’t our parents or parents to be, get it! Okay, we will start off with an example. How many of you parents have discussed what is sex with your kids? Or girls have you ever spoke about your menstrual cramps with your brother? Okay, boys have you ever alerted your younger siblings regarding the sexual assault, eve-teasing or how to protect themselves from something evil? Final question, do you discuss sex education at all with your kids?(which is also one of the reasons for children’s anxiety or their urge to know by some other means! Watching Porn to learn about Sex? Ridiculous us!) If your answer is a big NO, then do not blame others or the judiciary! It’s your freaking job to educate, alert them! You might say then what are teachers for? yes, they talk about sex education but it’s you who should discuss with your child what is a good touch and a bad touch. From where do you think rapists, serial killers, psycho’s or criminals evolve? (when nirbhaya case rapists were interviewed by NDTV they have confessed that they have raped the girl because she was characterless. when a reporter asked them what made them think so, they replied that girls from their family do not leave home after 7 pm, If any girl is out late-night then she is a slut!) What the hell? seriously? Isn’t this the heights of hypocrisy? They are not born rapists or abusers it’s the ideology or perspective which matters!

Soch badlega tho sabh kuch badlega!

Nothing but, we need transparency between parents and the kids. That will always be an initial step in an upbringing of a pure, compassionate, open-minded kid! I will reveal some mind-boggling facts why it has to be only you, who must discuss with the kid. As per the data from dark to lightness organisation, every year 4 lakh kids are being sexually assaulted.
- 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse.
- 93% are abused by someone they know or trust.
- 63% are like teachers, neighbours or community people.
- 37% are abused by extended family or family members.
- Only 7% are strangers to the child.
And only 27% of children reveal such incidents. (Not everyone reveals and it’s funny that people have the guts to report their assaults only when they are adults! That’s the reason why #metoo campaign was so much in the news and cases have been in the limelight irrespective of gender, age, region and religion.)

50% of sexually abused children suffer trauma to negatively impact their adult lives. They are 3 times more likely to get addicted to drugs and alcohol and 2times more likely to drop out of school! This is the reason why you have to educate and discuss with your child more like a friend because they never reveal until you enquire or they are at ease with you. And the abusers or assaulters are mostly not some unknown so you have to caution your child about the people around you all the time.

Instead of regretting later what can we do right now? We need to help kids recognize unsafe people and situations and give them the knowledge and skills to keep themselves safe. To Do list :
- Please educate your kids openly about their bodies and sexualities. Do you want your kid to learn about their sexuality from some other unreliable sources? Nope right? So for god sake, please talk to them truthfully! So, discuss periods, sex, pregnancy, homosexuality with them there is nothing wrong with it. (Okay now don’t mumble that our parents never spoke to us or we are sanskaari Indian people and not used to all this talking! Please keep your opinions to yourself because you are living in the second highest populated country and everyone is highly sexual only when lights are turned off but aren’t comfortable speaking about it? fact isn’t it!)
- Make them differentiate a good touch and a bad one. Help your child understand who is safe and who isn’t. Make sure your children know that it’s okay to say no to an adult and to run away from adults when their instincts tell them something is wrong. Educate them why it is a bad touch when someone gropes their private parts and make them realise that consent always matters.
- Teach them Body safety techniques. How they should defend themselves when they are in such situation(like not to fear or they have to say no or to shout aloud to make them noticed and tell about this to someone who is trustworthy or stay alert in dark places n ask them to carry a pepper spray, make them strong physically so that they could defend themselves for some extent).
- Teach your children to recognize their emotions and trust their instincts. Teaching them problem-solving skills will help them realise and react spontaneously. You can do this by approaching daily challenges, thinking through problems, brainstorming solutions, and encouraging your children to try them out. This makes them an open-minded and a creative person.
- Nevertheless, Do not forget to embed that compassion, empathy and goodwill in them.
So never blame the society alone, because you are also in it and change always starts from within 🙂 Happy living!

References:

http://victimsofcrime.org

http://www.D2L.org

you may refer to this funny series between a father and son and how he educates his son about sex if you are busy then skip to last 10 mins of the videos.

Sex Ed Video on Homosexuality

Sex Education on Pregnancy

Sex Education | condoms

Sex Education | Periods

And finally, this video from unerased poetry will definitely make you think!

A brown girls guide to gender
May 8, 2018
Is Hymen, a virtue of Woman?
Are you still that orthodox and insane person who thinks that hymen is the flower of a women’s virginity or have you seen any guy or elder ones mumbling that a virgin woman should bleed during her first intercourse? Then be ashamed to meet such people because that person who talks shit like that should have been born in ancient times! I believe that one should be respected for the deeds they are doing but not for their freaking age! Because elder people talk a lot and have made so many customs which they assume are true that doesn’t mean u need to abide by the lines they have drawn.

Our customs have transformed from the way of living to the pointless rules which one has to obey for the sake of society! Seriously? why is everyone obsessed with a woman’s virginity? Have you ever asked a man if he is a virgin? or what if he had to be scared the same way woman was until her wedding night? Doesn’t seem appealing right? the same goes for women. If a woman hasn’t stained her white bedsheet on her wedding night doesn’t mean she had sex before!Health experts say that there are several reasons why women may not bleed during their first sexual intercourse. And that doesn’t have to do with her virginity.

The rupture or bleeding happens during intercourse due to a vestigial tissue called Hymen. Let’s talk about the Hymen you are unaware of and some facts about it:
- The hymen lies outside the vagina.It is a mucous membrane that is a part of your vulva.
- Broken Hymen is not a sin! Just because hymen is broken, it does not mean that she is not a virgin. One can break hymen if they are doing any strenuous sport, dancing, sitting astride on two-wheeler or riding a bicycle. This is because the additional pressure on the vaginal area stretches or even breaks the hymen.
- You must bleed the first time you have sex?Absolutely not! one need not bleed the first time they had sex. This is because one could have stretched or even broken hymen during their childhood itself. So it is not necessary that one will bleed after their first sexual encounter.
If one goes by statistics, only 42% of women might bleed during her first intercourse. Instead of being least bothered about Hymen, girls are actually restoring the hymen with surgery named Hymenoplasty! Hymenoplasty or re-virgination refers to a cosmetic surgery that restores the hymen. Hymenoplasty is a procedure that repairs a torn hymen.

How crazy is that? Technology has evolved but with the help of science women’s virginity could be restored. Kudos to the cosmetologists and gynaecologists who are encouraging surgeries like this instead of creating awareness and counselling the innocent girls who think that hymen is a women’s dignity! But still, there are few Doctors who should be very much appreciated for counselling women regarding this.

According to Anup Dhir, cosmetologist at the Apollo Hospital, “there has been a steady rise in the demand for hymenoplasty surgery over the past few years.There has been an increase of 20-30 percent in these surgeries every year. The majority of women who come for this surgery are in the age group 20 and 30,” says Dhir.

Agreed Anita Kant, head of obstetrics at the Asian Institute of Medical Sciences: “Hymen reconstruction surgery has become an emerging trend over the past three to four years.”
The main reason, experts say, is the prevalent conservative mindset.
“In a conservative society like ours, many women feel that hymen reconstruction is a prerequisite to a good beginning of married life. Also, they feel no matter how modern their partners are, the male mindset remains conservative in this regard and therefore the importance of being a virgin before marriage,” says Kant. Day by day, women who are willing to undergo such surgeries are increasing in number as the procedure is lawful.

However, what all I would like to say is premarital sex may be one of the reasons for rupture of the hymen, but it is not the only reason!

Now erase all those misconceptions from your brain and ask such dogs to shut their filthy mouths! Just start bashing anyone who talks pointlessly regarding this! Just spread the word so that we could at least change that conservative mind of people and save the woman from all this!
May 1, 2018